In the course of all the reading I did (and am still doing) for the literature review you heard so much about, I came across a number of themes and ideas that are thought-provoking, relatable, or validating. These three paradoxes describe different aspects of “older singlehood” well:
In a crowd and on an island. We hear so much about how there are so many older single ladies, and many of us have a crowd, or group of single friends, yet we often feel different and isolated from everyone else, going through this alone.
Frozen in place and riding an express train. We can feel frozen in place, unable to move forward and continue to the next stages of the normative life path we expected to travel, and at the same time, feel like time is speeding up and passing us by.
Highly visible and completely invisible. We stick out and draw attention and concern because we are single, and at the same time, the communities we belong to don’t really see us, as adults with meaningful and valid lives, since we are outside the normative framework.
I do find this type of framing helpful, as it provides language, which is validating, to capture these experiences.
I wonder what you think of these ideas.
(Photo credit: Roman Kirienko/Pexels)
References for these ideas in order:
Traister, R. (2016). All the single ladies: Unmarried women and the rise of an independent nation. Simon and Schuster.
Lahad, K. (2017). A table for one: A critical reading of singlehood, gender and time. Manchester University Press.
Sharp, E. A., & Ganong, L. (2011). “I’m a loser, I’m not married, let’s just all look at me”: Ever-single women’s perceptions of their social environment. Journal of Family Issues, 32(7), 956-980.
