The Nesivos Shalom writes that there are three levels of emunah:
Emunas hamoach — intellectual belief, I understand that Hashem is in control. Emunas halev — emotional belief, I feel it in my heart. And emunas ha’eivarim — visceral belief, I know it in my bones.
Seder night is mesugal for internalizing the third level, emunas ha’eivarim. Matzah represents emunah, and when we eat it, we physically imbibe emunah. It’s so amazing.
I once learned that Seder night is the source of our emunah for the whole year. I don’t know about you, but boy do I need emunah to get me through the year. All the matzah I can get. So much of this shidduch experience is like maror. Where will it come from? When? What did I do wrong? Why do I deserve this? Why am I still here? When there are so many unknowns, false starts and disappointments, unanswered and unanswerable questions, weeks when it seems all options are exhausted, it tastes like maror all the time.
It really does. And I won’t deny that. Or let anyone else deny that.
Hashem doesn’t deny that.
Al matzos u’merrorim yochlu’hu — we eat the korban Pesach with matzah and with maror. Pesach, that symbolizes yeshuas Hashem k’heref ayin, leaping from galus to geulah, every moment calculated to the last second. Pesach, a time of renewal, of breakthroughs, of miracles, of freedom from suffering. Eat the korban Pesach with matzah and with maror.
People say, “stop trying so hard and it will happen.” People say, “you have to really believe.” People say, “you have to be positive.” People say, “you can’t be bitter.”
Maror is bitter.
Pain is bitter.
Hashem made it that way. Not you.
Al matzos u’merrorim yochlu’hu. Emunah and pain, together at the Seder table.
I hope this is a helpful thought to bring with you to the Seder this year. I think it will help me.
For more Pesach posts, see here for Mah Nishtanah, Kriyas Yam Suf, and Kriyas Yam Suf again.
I wish each and every one of you a chag kasher v’sameach. Remember to do nice things for yourself to make Y”T enjoyable, whatever that looks like for you. I will be curling up with a stack of library books and magazines, and I’m eyeing this book as an early afikomen present. Let me know if you have any fun ideas for Chol Hamoed activities — my friend just got into diamond art. Have a wonderful Y”T and one final thing — please fill out the survey if you haven’t already, and after Y”T I will review the results!
