I have a couple other posts I’ve written in the past about the “shidduch crisis” but I wanted to write something more succinct. I hope you’ll find this bolstering and helpful.
Re: the age gap theory: The data show that the average age difference between frum couples is about two and a half years, not four, which cuts the numbers driving the age gap theory almost in half.
I recently dated someone five years younger than me. My friend recently married someone five years younger than her. Anecdotes? Sure, but everyone else’s story is an anecdote, too.
Data captures overall trends but can’t predict the trajectory of any one data point. Each unique data point (i.e. you, me) is independent from the trend. In other words, averages don’t impact your situation because you’re not a bell curve, you’re you.
The shidduch “market” is fluid. People have different chapters in their lives in terms of dating availability, impacted by their mental and physical health, religious evolution, different obligations, and marriages.
The bottom line is that any two people can meet at any time in any one of a million ways.
Given that, we can do what we reasonably can with our unique profile of resources and wherewithal, and use our pain to grow in compassion, humility, and emunah, trusting that Hashem is at the wheel.
(Photo credit: Plamy/Pexels. I went with daisies just because).
