I’ve never really written a post about politics – I mean, I think you can infer how I voted in the 2024 presidential election and I’ve mentioned that I regularly listen to the Ben Shapiro Show (agreeing with many but not all of his views) and I’ve encouraged people to register and vote in elections.
My heart feels very heavy today, and I need to express the conflict I have going on inside of me and maybe get some advice.
Yesterday morning, we had a staff training on leadership and building better teams. It was the type of thing that was delivered by trainers from some fancy consulting firm, probably cost an arm and a leg, and consisted mainly of well-meant fluff like how to build trust and communicate with empathy. (I kept thinking, I could totally do this, I need to go into corporate training).
I never really know where to put myself in these types of situations because I have the worst poker face and I often want to giggle, or worse, roll my eyes. And yes, as a therapist and human being, I obviously believe that empathy and trust are important qualities to cultivate, but as a frum person, these conversations feel very empty when these qualities are not connected to transcendent values and objective right and wrong.
Which is what I was thinking when I checked the news on the way home from work and learned about the tragic murder of Charlie Kirk. Because I believe that none of my social work colleagues, or at least very very few, feel a shred of empathy for his family. And that thought is frightening and disturbing, and I feel alienated from my coworkers, yet again.
Here is the thing. I have to pretend a lot at work. I sit at meetings and just smile or glaze over or furrow my brow, and pretend. (As mentioned, this takes a lot of effort). It’s fine a lot of the time, until I realize that it’s really not fine.
Earlier this year, we had a DEI training, the type that you don’t even know how it could possibly be real, the type where the trainer (who probably also cost an arm and a leg) said she was ashamed to be white. The type where we had to talk about our privilege, and told that feeling shame was a good thing because it would help us grow out of our comfort zone into the “learning zone.” The type where we had to introduce ourselves with all our identities, including pronouns (of course). The type where I scanned my coworkers’ faces, again and again, thinking that surely there had to be someone thinking what I was thinking. Surely I couldn’t be alone. And when I realized I was, that disturbed me a lot more than the training did.
I shared about this training, and some other stuff that has come up at work meetings, with my family, and everyone has reacted with “you need to find a new job.” And I don’t think they are wrong but I don’t know where to go from here.
I think it is too hard for me to work in a frum setting. I have a lot of space and privacy at my job and I don’t feel judged or different for being single. But then I’m so alone in other ways.
The field of social work is very progressive and I’m likely to encounter these issues anywhere outside of a frum organization. It’s a spot to be in…I honestly don’t know what to do.
I hope this country can find a way forward without more political violence, because this is a very dark day.
(Photo credit: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels)
