I’ve been meaning to share the backstory of this blog for a while, and here it is:
This winter, a woman called me for shidduch information. She was very pleasant and the conversation was no big deal. We spoke for a few minutes, and then she said the following:
“I don’t mean this disrespectfully but your friend is twenty-____ and I have to ask… does it show? Because my son has gone out with several girls this age and he’s told me that each one seems resigned to singlehood. It’s obvious that they’re not happy. And he doesn’t want to date girls your age anymore.”
Oof.
I couldn’t put her comment out of my mind. I kept thinking that I wished there was a way to broadcast her message to singles at large (shout it from the rooftops!), without being hurtful or judgmental.
Because happiness is attractive, and negativity is a turn-off. But how can people in pain be expected to be happy? Is it even possible? It is. Because our job is to do what it takes to live a rich and meaningful life despite society’s assumption that our lives are somehow empty or less meaningful because we’re single.
You get to call the shots in your life. No one can control their outer circumstances, but everyone has the right to control their responses. And everyone has the right to choose a good life, regardless of circumstances.
I shared this phone conversation and my thoughts with a friend. At first she suggested I submit a letter to one of the frum publications for the benefit of anyone who might be struggling in this area, but I thought it would come across as too judgmental and I didn’t want to turn this into just another topic for discussion. And then she suggested that I …start a blog. I just loved the idea. So here we are today. Thank you, Mrs. Shidduch-information-caller, and thank you, dear friend 😉
And thank you, for coming by and reading. I hope All Worthwhile makes you happy in its own little way.
Agree with every word here. Sometimes when I’m in a dark place I’ll mourn the fact that my husband will never have known me when I was “young”. “Poor hubby never had a young wife.” (I can’t resist a Trumpian SAD! here. If you don’t get this, good for you. Twitter is a cesspool anyway.)
Anyway, this is a silly thing to cry over for a hundred reasons including that in the very same rant I will usually note that I was born an old soul to begin with. My rants on bad days don’t stand up very well to logical scrutiny.
When the clouds clear I’ll remind myself to thank God for blessing me with the ability to maintain a youthful spirit and demeanor despite the fact that I’m several life stages behind my school friends.
No matter how burntoutfedupsickandtired you are, nurture the part of you that gives you joy and inspiration and love of life. You owe it to yourself and your soul mate. And it shows when you don’t.
About the “young” thing — just remember that the person you marry will feel that you are exactly right for him where he is now (as you will feel), and will be grateful for the maturity, experience, and perspective you bring to the relationship.
Amen to those last lines.
What a beautiful way this started and thank you for taking the bull by the horn.