On Heartbreak and Post-Traumatic Growth

This post has been in the works forever. I’ve written about other hard stuff — rejection, loneliness, and ambiguous loss — but not enough about heartbreak.   I have to admit that before I experienced heartbreak, it seemed mysterious and romantic to me: imagine having had a relationship that was “real” enough to matter when it ended.

Nothing

Many of us have a “frequent flyer” shidduch suggestion that keeps coming up, and in my case, the answer is “Yes, we know about each other, he isn’t interested…” For context, he lives near me, he went out with my cousin,

The Voice of Perfection

We all have our struggles that make shidduchim uniquely challenging and painful for each of us. I have struggled mightily with feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy: How do I know that I’m trying hard enough, pushing and stretching myself enough (whatever that means), being open enough (whatever that means)? When I was davening at the Kosel in February, I felt …

Let It Be Easy

None of us knows quite where we will find ourselves when we meet the right person, and what that process will look like, and how the pieces will fit together. But I’ve definitely absorbed the word on the street about what that process looks like for “older singles” (which I suppose I am): it’s lengthy, it’s complicated, it gets hard …

Stepping Back

For the past few weeks, Mishpacha Magazine has been publishing a lot of content about shidduchim, problems in the system, possible solutions, letters in response, etc…and I haven’t written about it here. The truth is that I am tired of digesting this type of content and figuring out, then articulating, my thoughts.   I’m tired of being everyone’s problem. I’m …

Att: Shadchan – 10 Things Your Single Client Wants You To Know

 Please respond to my text or email. Often I am just asking a yes or no question. It’s okay if you can’t help me, I know you are not a magician, but it feels a lot worse when you just ignore me. You can set up an automatic response system if you know you can’t get back to everyone so …

A Wonderful Thing

I have a file that I add to anytime I come across an interesting article, website, person, etc that relates to one of the topics I may write about. Of course I have many references to shidduchim/singlehood. Recently I came across an amazing study which was also written about in this op-ed:

Dialectic

Shidduchim requires us to hold an amazing paradox: there is so much we can do — an endless number of things — and there is nothing we can do. The Brisker Rav famously said that hishtadlus in shidduchim is unnecessary, and it is permitted for our nerves. There will always be more hishtadlus we can think of, yet we know …

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