I wrote a paper on the subject of attachment theory a while back and I thought it might be interesting to share an excerpt.
John Bowlby first developed attachment theory in the 1950s through his work with neglected children. Based on his observations, Bowlby concluded that in order to thrive, children need to feel connected to a primary caregiver who is available and responsive. He theorized that all people have a primal need to reach out to a caregiver who will be physically and emotionally present. The presence and responsiveness of the caregiver allows the child to feel safe and helps them regulate their emotions. Separation from the attachment figure causes distress. The stronger the attachment to the primary caregiver, the safer the child feels to explore the world and take risks, knowing they have a secure base to return to.
Bowlby did further work with Mary Ainsworth, who identified three attachment styles in children: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Securely attached children, who typically have available and responsive caregivers, have the greatest resilience and self-regulation. Anxiously attached children, who typically have inconsistently responsive caregivers, are clingier and less emotionally regulated. Avoidant attached children, who typically have disengaged and distant caregivers, are emotionally disengaged themselves and resist closeness. in 1982, Bowlby wrote that insecurely attached children, both anxious and avoidant, are likely to repeat the cycle with their own children.
The adult quest for love and partnerships fulfills a deep need for security and connection, apart from the basic needs for food, shelter, and procreation. In Love Sense, Sue Johnson writes that attachment style in early childhood is the blueprint upon which later relationships are patterned. For example, if a child had an inconsistently responsive primary caregiver, who was warm and engaged sometimes but also withdrawn and distant, the child will grow up to expect all intimate relationships to follow this pattern. They are likely to exhibit anxious and clingy behaviors in relationships to ensure that their attachment figures stay close. A child with a disengaged primary caregiver will expect intimate partners to be unresponsive and invalidating and will make themselves unavailable for emotional connection. A child with a consistently responsive caregiver will expect intimate relationships to be a source of strength and safety.
Although no one can go back in time and change their relationship with their primary caregiver, we can purposely rewire our brains and “earn” secure attachment as adults. Earned secure attachment can develop through healing relationships with other people, including a therapist. Earning secure attachment in later relationships allows one to develop positive relationships and reflect on and formulate a “coherent” narrative of early negative experiences, which leads to “trust, self-expression, self-compassion, self-care, self-protection, self-efficacy and healthy intimate relationships…[T]rusting relationships and communication have the ability to heal the mind” (Guina, 2016, p. 234). This in turn helps people with insecure attachment from childhood have stronger and more stable marriages.
References
Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss: retrospect and prospect. American journal of Orthopsychiatry, 52(4), 664.
Guina, J. (2016). The talking cure of avoidant personality disorder: Remission through earned-secure attachment. American journal of psychotherapy, 70(3), 233-250.
Johnson, S. (2013). Love sense: The revolutionary new science of romantic relationships. Hatchette: New York.
Paley, B., Cox, M. J., Burchinal, M. R., & Payne, C. C. (1999). Attachment and marital functioning: Comparison of spouses with continuous-secure, earned-secure, dismissing, and preoccupied attachment stances. Journal of Family Psychology, 13(4), 580.
