Hello, all. No newsletter recap on Friday as I’ve decided to move to a monthly review. I think it will be more interesting to write about the month as a whole at the end of it.
My blog feels like a rope that I hold onto amid the rising and falling tides of the year. It’s where I keep processing, reviewing, and planning the seasons of my life. Thank you for being here!
A year ago I wrote about my dreams for the year ahead. About 1.5 items in that vision happened: I went to the South of France for my birthday and gave journaling workshops to groups of women (and girls). I did not change jobs, move to E”Y, or get married. I did not become a digital nomad or build a business. However, I did grow into a new role within my job, so you could say a change happened there, too. A year is a long time, and it’s been an interesting one.
I won’t be writing another vision for the coming year; as I mentioned in that post, it’s been a bit wearying to keep doing that. I am, however, starting to take a look at the calendar (as a bit of a prologue for what I will be”H do in December) and thinking about what I hope to do and experience be”H (27 for 2027 — will go into details, we aren’t quite there yet).
Elul and Tishrei are really the time to take spiritual stock, do teshuva for the past year and make plans and resolutions for the year ahead. And this is where I find myself stuck. Have I grown this year? What is growing? I cannot think of spiritual goals I actively worked on this year. I know that does not sound very alive. Although I consider myself to be a vibrant and evolving person, from matters of the soul, I am feeling disconnected. I think this is happening as a kind of self-protection – spirituality has felt so painfully vulnerable to me. I wrote about this earlier this year regarding tefillah, how I simply feel burnt out and like it is too painful to me to keep asking. It spills over to other areas of my life, too. It feels much easier for me to connect to Hashem through the world than through religious pathways. This feels unfortunate and like something to give more attention to. Although I can’t say that right now is the time, I wanted to name and acknowledge this aspect of my life, especially at this time of year.
And, I also would like to write down the spiritual wins to reinforce them to myself, even if they were not goals per se and even if they already are habits:
I bentch from the text (physical bentcher or app).
I say Asher Yatzar.
I make brachos and bracha acharona with, I believe, more intention than in the past. I won’t go so far as to say that I am thinking about the meaning of the words, but a more generalized awareness of gratitude. This isn’t something I am working on specifically, but something I have noticed.
I wish my grandmother, ad meah v’esrim, good Shabbos each week. Recently it has been a text or voice note because she’s not up to talking, but this is a habit I only developed over the past year or two.
I have a more positive relationship with my parents than I have had in the past. There is evolution here, for sure.
I have a good relationship with all of my siblings, something I do not take for granted.
I believe I am making a kiddush Hashem at work by being warm, “approachable” (a colleague’s word), and easy to work with.
At work, I am sometimes in a position to help frum organizations, which I try to reach out and do.
I feel gratitude and thank Hashem, mentally or out loud, many times throughout the week for my health, helpful coincidences, the beauty of the world, and much more.
I am building a relationship with some younger married cousins. This is not necessarily right for everyone’s situation, but in my case, I had been feeling the weight of a blockage in these relationships, and with more self-love, humility, and confidence, that is starting to dissolve.
I read the halacha section of Reclaiming Dignity with some of these cousins. I didn’t change my dress, but this was Torah learning.
I say a short, informal prayer for clients in particularly difficult straits when I hang up the phone with them.
I read a daily (except on Shabbos/YT) shmiras haloshon lesson on my family chat because I know it means a lot to my grandmother, who requested it. I started in November and have b”H kept it up consistently even when traveling. I would like to believe this has started to influence my speech.
I started arranging daily family Tehillim a couple of months ago because this also means a lot to my grandmother (divvying up the sefer among family members and sending daily reminders for everyone to say their Yom – we are doing 4 week cycles for simplicity’s sake and are in the midst of cycle #3). This has me saying more Tehillim than I have done in a long time.
Writing this list helped me feel lighter. It helps me feel like I can go into Rosh Hashanah with enumerable (not to be confused with innumerable) accomplishments instead of a vague sense of having tried to be a good person. I am grateful!
Looking at the year ahead, I can take what I have learned (built-in accountability makes a huge difference for me!), and see where I can use that to my advantage. Maybe I can learn something else with my cousins!
I titled this post with the thought that keeps recurring in my mind — a year is an amazing thing. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, in all domains of life — a year can be an amazing thing. I hope to post at least another time before leaving for R”H — but just in case, this is my wish for you: May you have a year that is amazing. May it burst with experiences of connection, gratitude, and joy. May you and yours be healthy and well to enjoy it, and may you have the clarity and resilience to navigate the opportunities for growth that come along with every year. May your tefillos be answered l’tova and may you experience that tova.
Wishing you a kesiva v’chasima tova and a gut gebencht yuhr!
(Photo credit: David Rado/Pexels)
