I love this quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I’ve thought about these words recently, coming off of back-to-back shidduch disappointments. The risk in being authentic each time you go back into the ring is the possibility that, despite your efforts, you will be rejected or disappointed. But if you “fail” (i.e. yet another attempt goes nowhere), fail while daring greatly. While daring to be yourself. While daring to hope, to really believe that you will find and recognize the right one. Fail while daring to love yourself and not blame yourself, to see the good in others who are not right for you. While daring to maintain your standards, in relationships and in ruchniyus.
Other people who haven’t been through this nisayon couldn’t possibly understand the efforts, the highs and lows, the considerations and deliberations and quests for guidance of those in the arena. But the words of the critic don’t matter. We are handed life circumstances and our job is to live them. To show up in the arena and fight for as long as it lasts. Dare greatly to walk into the arena without any masks. Someone is looking for you. They need you to do your best and to be yourself so they can find you.
Don’t give up.
(This quote has been popularized by Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, which I have not read).
