I learned a great line from a client: We don’t shop for oranges at the hardware store.
In other words, we need to have realistic expectations of other people, that are based on our knowledge of them. Specifically, many people are uncomfortable with emotion and with offering nonjudgmental support. Some people aren’t good listeners and turn conversations toward themselves. Others can’t resist the impulse to jump in with advice.
When you are going through a hard time, these responses from others can feel painful and upsetting, especially when they come from loved ones. I find this myself, and since my client shared that line with me (which she got from her previous therapist), I’ve been repeating it to myself.
People are who they are. When we know that, we can find the right ones to turn to for emotional support, and we can stop shopping for oranges at the hardware store.
(Photo credit: Elizaveta Mitenkova/Pexels)
