I learned how to breathe five years ago. I mean, oxygen had been getting to my brain with regularity until then, thank G-d, but I wasn’t truly breathing. My supervisor at work pointed this out (awkward) and showed me how it’s really done.
Here’s the thing: While most of us are able to b”H breathe on our own, many of us become shallow breathers over time, due to muscle tension and the development of bad habits. On a deeper level, when we hold our breath, we feel less. That’s why people hold their breath before they get a shot at the doctor, and that’s why the pasuk says Bnei Yisroel couldn’t listen to Moshe “mikotzer ruach,” from shortness of breath. They didn’t want to believe in geulah and be disappointed so they didn’t breathe and didn’t allow themselves to feel hope — and the full extent of the pain of galus.
When we open up to breathing fully, we relinquish a sense of control. We become vulnerable to feeling, to being hurt, to letting the unplanned happen. But breathing fully — really being there, feeling the whole experience — is also the only way to allow anything to move through us. And breathing helps our entire body feel calmer and able to withstand distress better.
Stand in front of a mirror and take a deep breath. Did your shoulders move up and down? That’s a sign of shallow (or clavicular – shoulder blade=clavicle) breathing.
Take a deep breath through your nose. Fill your lungs – your chest will rise – and expand your belly, like a balloon, outwards. (Sometimes shallow breathers actually suck their bellies inward – that’s inside-out breathing!). Now exhale fully through your mouth, allowing your lungs to completely empty themselves. Now breathe in again through your nose. Repeat slowly. In and out, inhale, exhale. Your chest is rising slightly and your belly is expanding with each inhale, falling and shrinking with each exhale. This is called diaphragmatic breathing, if you’d like to find a video demo.
When you exhale, allow your lungs to completely empty themselves out. Soften your muscles and wait for the next breath to come on its own. Let your body fall into its own rhythm of inhale, exhale, without holding your muscles or controlling the rate at which you breathe.
Miriam Millhauser Castle says that that moment between the exhale and the next inhale is emunah. Hashem is not going to let you stop breathing just because you’re not trying to be in control. The breath will come without your help.
Breathing (just breathing!) is one of those tools that has been very helpful to me over the past few years and wonderfully, it’s completely free.