Shidduchim requires us to hold an amazing paradox: there is so much we can do — an endless number of things — and there is nothing we can do. The Brisker Rav famously said that hishtadlus in shidduchim is unnecessary, and it is permitted for our nerves. There will always be more hishtadlus we can think of, yet we know …
I realized that the main thing keeping me doing hishtadlus in shidduchim is the belief that there is an ending to all of this and the ending is good. Continuing to show up, try again, and inch along is a manifestation of that belief. I can’t make a miracle, but I can continue trying to place myself in its path. …
I told my uncle about a dilemma I have regarding guys who are interested in going out with me but who are not what I am looking for. I continue to struggle to find the balance between thoroughness and diligence, which feel productive and self-determined, and guilt and anxiety, which disempower me and make me feel compelled to do things …
What might it be like to get to know someone through writing letters instead of dating? Couldn’t that be a nice change, and revealing in refreshing ways? I think I could be more real and true to myself given the time to formulate what I want to say and the safety of the page to say it.(And wouldn’t this make …
My sister pointed out that timing can mean the difference between success or failure. If you want to buy a house, but you can’t afford it, then even if you find a great house in a great neighborhood at an objectively good price, it’s not good for you. It will be a headache and a strain and you will risk …
Something I’m thinking about: we can have a meaningful impact on other people’s children, just by being healthy, safe adults who take an interest in them. That is significant — children thrive when adults provide love, safety, consistency, positive role modeling, and positive regard. To me this is mothering before becoming a mother, to be this motherly force on the …
If you had to choose a spice to represent you, what would you choose? I’m going with cinnamon – warm and comforting and a little spicy. Yes, this is reference to an item I came across regarding a new collaborative cookbook which features a dish or spice in the opening spread to represent each author, in lieu of printing …
I have had so many theories over the years about who my husband is and why I haven’t met him yet (unless I have met him)? Do you ever think like this? He must be… Older (than I’ve ever dated). Younger (than I’ve ever dated). Married. Becoming frum. From a totally different background or community and we have …
It made me sad to read that Queen Elizabeth II passed away on Thursday. I thought the new King’s statement was so moving, as was Prince William’s. The Queen was only about a year and a half older than my grandfather, and he spent his formative years in England and maintained certain British sensibilities his whole life, so in some …
Recently I asked a friend to contact someone we both know and find out if he’d go out with me. It was a reach, and he said no. I was definitely very disappointed. But instead of being hard on myself for putting myself out there, I remembered the famous Wayne Gretzky line: “You miss one hundred percent of the shots …
