If someone gave me a written exam on parenting, I think I’d get an A. Over the years I have really tried to learn a lot about what kids need and how they develop, and to that end I have read a number of books, etc. But — when it comes to applying this learning in a real-life situation with human children, it isn’t so seamless. A short while ago I spent an entire day babysitting my little nephews* and it was quite the practical exam. And it was really, really hard! I definitely had one major strike against me: running on three(!) hours of sleep. So that wasn’t a very good start. Also, it was an emergency situation (everyone is fine b”H) so I had less than a minute to get myself together before leaving to babysit, and I did not even have my phone or a water bottle or a book or anything with me to help distract/regulate…It was a long day for everyone involved, let’s just say.
So, at the end of the day I spoke to a few people about the experience because it left me very discouraged and fairly certain that I’m not made for motherhood. They were all 100% validating, which was a huge help. They also helped me see how I really do have what it takes, it’s just that taking care of little kids is really hard. Here are the pointers I came away with:
- Prioritize sleep over literally everything.
- Stay well-hydrated.
- Dealing with whining, food-throwing and other frustrations is all about your own emotional regulation and your distress tolerance toolkit, not about changing/controlling behavior. They won’t be whining and throwing food forever but you owe it to yourself to help yourself stay in a state of calm as much as possible. There are lots of resources for this (i.e. therapy, classes, lots of stuff to read and listen to that is so helpful and validating).
- Your own kids are different than other people’s kids. You just feel differently about them. And you ease into parenthood generally with one kid at a time, and with the support of a spouse. It’s very different than babysitting.
- Little kids are hard for everyone! It’s not you! You need a network of people in the same stage who totally get it and who you can vent/talk/complain to. (These weren’t even my own kids but it made me feel so much better to talk to my friends with kids).
I know it might seem funny that I’m writing about parenting, but I’m guessing that I’m not the only one who has worried about this.
Any thoughts? Do you ever have anxiety about being a parent? Do you like little kids?
*per doctor’s guidelines under the specific circumstances.
