This week ran away — I kept meaning to write but it just didn’t happen. I’ve been itching to write in a forum that is not anonymous. So many thoughts on that. My anonymity allows me to write authentically about the many emotions of being single, in a way that’s true and deep and clear. But the anonymity is …
It happened in Disney World a couple years ago, in New Orleans, and in Austria: I kept thinking about what my children would enjoy. It was like psychically my mind knows I’m the right age to be traveling with children, so it scanned for kid-friendly activities, made schedule adjustments, etc. I almost always feel that my children are real, in …
A friend sent me an absolutely beautiful article written by Chani Juravel, LCSW, in The Voice of Lakewood. I so appreciate supportive sentiments like these. So often, people fall short of being actually supportive by qualifying their statements instead of going in 100% in support without also mixing in some blame/responsibility. Grateful for an article that does none of that. …
A newly married friend shared that it took about a month for her to get used to being engaged. I had said, “It must be an amazing experience to be a 30-year-old kallah” (for context – we were talking about the benefits of getting married “older” and how we are just calmer and more grounded in general). She replied that …
A friend and I were talking about a struggle we grappled with when our younger sisters got engaged. The brain is a pattern-finding machine. It always wants to find a reason for why things happen. So when you fully expected to be the one to get engaged first, your brain wants to know why you weren’t. And it starts to …
I hadn’t been following the Mishpacha serial Stand By, but this Shabbos I picked up a back-issue Family First and read Miriam Pascal Cohen’s follow-up piece, about the way our community views single women. Did you read it? I find it sooo satisfying and validating when women share their experiences without mincing words. Some of the issues pointedly addressed in …
This post has been in the works forever. I’ve written about other hard stuff — rejection, loneliness, and ambiguous loss — but not enough about heartbreak. I have to admit that before I experienced heartbreak, it seemed mysterious and romantic to me: imagine having had a relationship that was “real” enough to matter when it ended.
Something undeniable: I find it easier to read secular books/articles about dating and being single than I do anything frum on the same topics. It’s like a sensitivity I’ve developed over the past few years; shidduchim-talk pushes my buttons. Instead, more generic encouragement and advice is easier to integrate and helps me feel supported. I’m not sure why this is, …
When it came time to book my flight to New Orleans, I told my supervisor, “It’s too early! Something will come up between now and my trip!” She laughed, because what could possibly change in four months? 😉 Well, my friend got engaged…and her wedding date coincided with the conference. It was pretty clear that I had to keep my …
Liminal space is a term to describe the place we occupy during a transition, between one place and another. I think of this term often when I think about dating, especially in our system where life can take on a frozen, suspended feeling when you begin dating someone. You’re not available, you’re not committed, you’re just…in between somewhere. And being …
