A few months ago I read Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Vitek Murthy, and I’m still thinking about it. Highly recommend! The book describes the damaging effects of loneliness and the importance of social connection.
Every day at work I speak with people who are isolated from social supports and let me tell you, that has been a wake-up call for me to consciously prioritize connection even when it might be inconvenient. Having a support network can literally be life-saving and it takes work to maintain one. I wrote a list of some thoughts on this topic:
- We need confidantes, friends, and a community of acquaintances.
- Put relationships on the calendar: Call, visit, sent birthday cards, arrange get-togethers, go for walks, extend meal invites, attend reunions (you don’t have to go to all reunions or in fact do all of these things, just some). Make connecting with other people a priority.
- K’nei lecha chaver – to get, you have to give. The currency might be indulging other people’s weirdnesses, or tolerating boring errands and small talk.
- Far too many people in this country (I see a skewed sample, admittedly) have alienated themselves from their families and communities. This is probably the most dangerous health-related behavior ever.
- We need relationships with other people for happiness and for safety.
- You don’t need to attend every family simcha but try not to skip everything.
- Find common ground with family — even if it’s very limited — that you can lean on to maintain relationships.
- We can meet people through online platforms but those should serve as a waystation to connect with people offline.
- Loneliness makes us self-isolate further, so it’s important to work against that and join activities/show up to stuff even when feeling lonely.
