Vulnerability

I’m dashing off this post because I just read Sara Eisemann’s MatchQuest column in this week’s Family First, and the question and answer were so phenomenally on-target, I had to share. (The entire text is available through the above link.)

 

I know that most of what I talk about on this blog is not actual dating or the process of developing relationships in shidduchim (well, there was this). My posts are typically about living a full life where you are as a single, and being and becoming the greatest you can be. But let’s acknowledge the reality behind the screen: in between pesto sandwiches, birthday parties, and ballet lessons, there’s a twenty-something-year-old girl in the parsha. And that means dating. And that means decisions. And that means a lot of emotional energy. That means meeting shadchanim. And networking, and telling people what I’m looking for, and talking to dating coaches, and soul-searching, and starting over.

 

And that can all get tiring. And make it ever-more challenging to truly give and share of myself with someone else. Because it’s normal to resist being vulnerable, especially after a time. But a while ago, one of my friends said something very wise that brought me up short. I had gone out several times with a boy and I didn’t know what to do to help the relationship along. Without missing a beat, she told me, “Bake him chocolate chip cookies.” I was like, “Noooo.” She looked at me and said, “You know, that doesn’t say something about him but that does say something about you.” And she was right. Because I was just scared of putting myself out there, and I realized that that kind of bravery was something to work on. That ability to take an emotional risk, and be at peace with the possibility that it might lead to a detour, not a destination.

 

So I’d like to know what helps you open up on a date. Do you like those dating games? (Personally, I have a hard time with the rat-a-tat-tat nature of those games). Have you ever seen this list of questions? What other advice can you share with the rest of us?

 

Have a great Shabbos!

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2 Comments

  1. M

    I really related to what you wrote here! I wish I had some advice to add but I think just being aware of the fact that it’s hard to be vulnerable and also knowing that others out there struggle with it as well is comforting! Also the story about the chocolate chip cookies literally happens with me and my friend so I had a good laugh! Thank you for an awesome blog!

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